COPS...What NOT to do

HERE ARE A FEW SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU EVER GET PULLED OVER BY
THE POLICE. I don't recall where I got this so if its copy protected just tell me.

1. As soon as you pull over, hop into the passengers seat and pretend that the driver took off. Act confused when the cop asks where the driver is.

2. Keep a rabbit in the glove. When he asks for your registration, open the glove and when the rabbit jumps out exclaim, "THERE YOU ARE!!" and tell a long story about how you lost him and how he probably ate your registration.

3. Lean up against the door and act unconscious. When he comes to the window, either open the door or wait until he opens the door and fall out onto the road continuing the coma charade. Then get up and act completely normal and say that you have no recollection of your behavior if inquired.

4. While he is in the car writing your lisence plate number or whatever it is that they do, get out of the car and go to HIS window and ask for a lisence and registration. When he resists and yells at you, tell him that you are going to have to take him "downtown" and that he should get in the car.

5. Videotape the entire incident. Never look at him with your naked eye; only through the camera.

6. Instead of giving him your lisence, hand over a credit card or some other object from your wallet or purse. Realize your mistake each time and correct it with another credit card or object. Repeat this procedure until his gun is drawn.

7. (if you have power windows) Keep rolling the window up and down. When he tells you to stop, explain that you have no idea what he is talking about and that it must just be his hearing.

8. You COULD try this but I wouldn't suggest it...Be very obedient and do everything the nice officer says.

9. Put your hands at "10" and "2" and stare wide eyed straight ahead. As soon as he gets close, start screaming in a shrill voice and don't stop.

10. (here's one that's sure to get you out of a speeding ticket) Fill the glove with empty bottles of Pepto-Bismol. When you pull over, scatter them on the floor in front of you.

11. Mimick every word and action he says and does. Try to match his voice and inflection to perfection.

12. Think of a song for a word that he uses. Sing it at the end of each sentence. When
you can't think of any more, just sing "It's a Small World" continuously.

13. Fart a lot.

14. Do your best Rain Man impression and tell him that Wapner is on in 15 minutes.

15. Turn the stereo on full blast and play "Bad Boys"

16. Say, "id-day oo-yay ake-tay atin-lay, ig-pay?"

17. Turn on the cautions and hide. Wherever you can; in the back, the trunk, under the car, under a blanket, whatever, just don't move.

18. If he asks about how fast you were going, speak very, very slowly and studder saying, "I...I...I......I.... w.....w.....w...was n....n...n.....not s.....s.....sp...sp...speed.d...d....d...ing, o....o.....o....of....ff....ff..ic....c....c...er."

19. Before he says anything, say, "Good, good. Everything is going according to plan, eh, Max? You have the goods, I presume. This is working a lot better than I expected. I'll pop the trunk and we'll proceed with the transaction, ok? This is going very smoothly. And that uniform looks so authentic! And......wait....you aren't Max!"

20. Unroll a sleeping bag and take a nap in the front seat before he gets to the car. Then when he comes to the window, wake up and yell at the car saying, "KITT! I told you not to speed! That is the last time I let you drive home by yourself, mister! Didn't I tell you to wake me if we got pulled over!?" Then calmly speak to the cop, "you just can't buy a good Knight Rider anymore."