In Memory Of Brother Andrew

June 12 1963 - 1989

Dear Andrew, Thank you the many years you gave me. You were my best friend growing up. Remember when we were about 6 or 7 and we would play super heroes in the back yard with make shift towel capes held together with clothes pins? You never complained when you were the "second best" Hero. I would always be superman or some real tough guy and you, well you always wanted to be some dumb hero like "The Shadow Man". I could never understand why you would choose such a goofy hero. I remember you saying one time that you'd rather be smart than strong. Then you told me that anyone can be a hero and pull someone to safety but a real hero was someone who could keep it all together to help someone no matter how uncomfortable it was to you. Where that comment came from and out of the mouth of a 6 year old at that, I haven't a clue and as a matter of fact I thought you were loony!

Who knew how prophetic and meaning full those words would become and how they would come back to haunt me in such a healing way. All my live I spent trying to show Dad that I was important enough for him to love me. I became a Soldier and have received many medals for being the "Hero" for this or that, Dad never took notice. I became a flight Paramedic and Dad never noticed. I became a christian in hopes he would at least see me trying but nothing. All I ever wanted is for him to show his love to us. But you know as well as me that those words never came. In my vain attempts to win Dad I have found myself transferring my desire to get something positive from him to trying to get it from those that were in authority around me, my Bosses, My Teachers, my Pastors and just about anyone who would acknowledge me. How pathetic!

When my daughter died, I believe I died inside also. At this point it hurt so much I didn't want to do anything. I can't count the numerous suicide attempts. I wanted to just abandon the rest of my family because it was so hard and uncomfortable to stay the walk as a father.

As I was looking through your pictures and remembering all our wonderful times together, I couldn't stop the tears from coming because all at once it hit me square in the face. The hero I tried so hard to become and those words of wisdom from a 6 year old telling me that I had become that hero by sticking it out in the mist of my uncomfortable pain and confused understanding of life.

Its real hard Andrew being in this hero business. I never thought it could be so difficult, nor did I ever think it would become a life long journey. But isn't that the point you were making? Anyone can be a hero for a moment, but for a true lifetime hero, I would have to do something even though its uncomfortable to do so for the sake of others around me. Like the ones that love me, my family. Thank you "Shadow man" for being there for me when I needed you.

I Love and miss you so very much, Love always, Danny

http://s172.photobucket.com/albums/w1/wuzisname/?action=view&current=1171956495.pbw